My Testimony
2/3/2006
MY TESTIMONY
I wish to use my experiences with cancer to encourage others who have gone thru it and it is my testimony of my faith that got me thru all the madness of cancer that it gives.
Last year, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I was pretty shocked to say the least. At first, I was embarrassed by it and I didn't want to tell anybody. But, I eventually began to open up about it and I freely talk about it now. I never once was angry at God about it and I never asked, "Why Me?" For I am no better than anybody else, so why not me. Being young and having that youthful cockiness, I breezed thru my mastectomy like it was nothing. I know now that the Lord had His Hand on me and also so many people prayed for me, even from people I didn't know. I was told that I had to take chemo as a precaution. I was a stage 2 which isn't considered too serious. So, I went thru six grueling months of chemo. My first four I got so sick and my last four I experienced a lot of bone pain like I was being squeezed to death. During the first four chemos, I would get so sick for about three days straight. There just wasn't any let up. I remembered that I cried, yelled, cussed, repented and prayed. God in His own way was dealing with me. I believe He was getting me to depend on Him because I needed to do that. I had a hard time remembering anything because of having chemo brain but a Scripture came to my mind and I repeated it continuously when I was getting sick, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". That is all I could remember at the time and it helped. With my fourth chemo, it was also my last of the first four that I took, I was listening to an old gospel song. It was by an old gospel group, The Soul Stirrers, and I played it all day while I was getting sick. The song was called, "The Last Mile of The Way". It goes, "When I've gone the last mile of the way, I shall rest at the closing of the day. For I know there are joy that awaits me when I've gone the last mile of the way". That song and Scripture got me thru chemo. I did get bitter about chemo though but it didn't last long. One thing, I can't understand is someone going thru cancer and chemo and not believing in God. I know one thing for sure when you are in the bathroom puking your guts out, you're gonna call out to somebody I guarantee it. I know I did. You then realize how fragile you really are.
When I finished with chemo, I went back to work. I had that youthful cockiness again. Nothing was gonna stop me from walking "The Race For The Cure". I walked three miles and then went to work for four hours. I worked like that for about a month and half after my last chemo when I experienced back pain like I never had before. I have a high pain tolerance but this was too much for me so I knew it was serious. I went back to the doctor to not only to find that I had a compressed fracture in my spine but I had a recurrence. I was told I was at a stage 4 now which is considered terminal. My husband and I went home crying. I honestly thought I had it licked the first time. I was just so discouraged over this. I was at a loss. I cried and prayed, "Lord, whatever Your will." I did not ask to be healed because ultimately it was up to God.
One day, I was listening to some songs by Mahalia Jackson and heard a song I have never heard before. I am a big fan of hers but I never heard this song before. It was called"That's Alright". It went something like this,"That's alright, it's alright, as long as I know I got a seat in Your Kingdom Lord, it's alright". I just cried all the way thru it because I honestly didn't feel like it was gonna be alright. I mean, how could it be? I had a recurrence and I was terminal. How could that be alright. For several days I continued to cry. I didn't realize that with those tears brought healing. My mind, my emotions and my soul was being healed and I didn't even realize it.
In the meantime, I went thru radiation. I had 22 sessions in all. I always tried to be cheerful but one day I was waiting for my turn to get zapped and that same song, "That's Alright", was running thru my head. There I was, just a humming away and getting happy. It didn't matter to me that I was getting zapped with radiation because everything was gonna be alright. In the Bible it says, "This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it". It said to be glad in it. It didn't say I had to be glad about it but to be glad in it. So even though I wasn't happy about going thru radiation I was happy in it.
Also, during that time I had a revelation. I woke up from a nap and the first thing that ran thru my mind was what Jesus said about taking up your cross and following Him. I just said,"Yes, Lord, I'll do that". But I couldn't help but to see my cross looking like a big letter "C". For cancer. But that is the cross I got to carry and that is the cross I got to bear.
I ended up having to quit my job because of my back and my recurrence. I had to swallow my pride and depend on the government for help. Cancer striped about everything from me-my pride, my dignity, my job and my health. But there is a Scripture that says," Humble Thyself in the sight of the Lord and He will lift you up". I have never been more humble in my life than I am right now. One day God's gonna lift me up. It may not be right now while I am on this Earth but one day He's gonna lift me up. I just have to be patient. God can deliver us in any circumstance we have, even while our body is failing us. I am a witness to that.
For several years, I strayed from the Lord and said and done somethings that I should not have and since repented. I just was wondering around lost all the time. There was a reason for me having cancer I don't regret having it because it got me back to God. God loved me enough that He didn't want me to miss out on my eternal rewards. I do remember a time when I was too afraid to go to sleep at night because I didn't think I would wake up the next morning. When you are given a life sentence it is hard not feeling that way. But now when I do wake up, I just figured He woke me up for a reason and it's not my time to go home yet. My reason is to do His will in my life for however long I've got. Sometimes in life you have to realize that all you have left is faith in God. Because cancer shows no mercy but God does. That is why I can smile and that is what keeps me going.
MY TESTIMONY
I wish to use my experiences with cancer to encourage others who have gone thru it and it is my testimony of my faith that got me thru all the madness of cancer that it gives.
Last year, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I was pretty shocked to say the least. At first, I was embarrassed by it and I didn't want to tell anybody. But, I eventually began to open up about it and I freely talk about it now. I never once was angry at God about it and I never asked, "Why Me?" For I am no better than anybody else, so why not me. Being young and having that youthful cockiness, I breezed thru my mastectomy like it was nothing. I know now that the Lord had His Hand on me and also so many people prayed for me, even from people I didn't know. I was told that I had to take chemo as a precaution. I was a stage 2 which isn't considered too serious. So, I went thru six grueling months of chemo. My first four I got so sick and my last four I experienced a lot of bone pain like I was being squeezed to death. During the first four chemos, I would get so sick for about three days straight. There just wasn't any let up. I remembered that I cried, yelled, cussed, repented and prayed. God in His own way was dealing with me. I believe He was getting me to depend on Him because I needed to do that. I had a hard time remembering anything because of having chemo brain but a Scripture came to my mind and I repeated it continuously when I was getting sick, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". That is all I could remember at the time and it helped. With my fourth chemo, it was also my last of the first four that I took, I was listening to an old gospel song. It was by an old gospel group, The Soul Stirrers, and I played it all day while I was getting sick. The song was called, "The Last Mile of The Way". It goes, "When I've gone the last mile of the way, I shall rest at the closing of the day. For I know there are joy that awaits me when I've gone the last mile of the way". That song and Scripture got me thru chemo. I did get bitter about chemo though but it didn't last long. One thing, I can't understand is someone going thru cancer and chemo and not believing in God. I know one thing for sure when you are in the bathroom puking your guts out, you're gonna call out to somebody I guarantee it. I know I did. You then realize how fragile you really are.
When I finished with chemo, I went back to work. I had that youthful cockiness again. Nothing was gonna stop me from walking "The Race For The Cure". I walked three miles and then went to work for four hours. I worked like that for about a month and half after my last chemo when I experienced back pain like I never had before. I have a high pain tolerance but this was too much for me so I knew it was serious. I went back to the doctor to not only to find that I had a compressed fracture in my spine but I had a recurrence. I was told I was at a stage 4 now which is considered terminal. My husband and I went home crying. I honestly thought I had it licked the first time. I was just so discouraged over this. I was at a loss. I cried and prayed, "Lord, whatever Your will." I did not ask to be healed because ultimately it was up to God.
One day, I was listening to some songs by Mahalia Jackson and heard a song I have never heard before. I am a big fan of hers but I never heard this song before. It was called"That's Alright". It went something like this,"That's alright, it's alright, as long as I know I got a seat in Your Kingdom Lord, it's alright". I just cried all the way thru it because I honestly didn't feel like it was gonna be alright. I mean, how could it be? I had a recurrence and I was terminal. How could that be alright. For several days I continued to cry. I didn't realize that with those tears brought healing. My mind, my emotions and my soul was being healed and I didn't even realize it.
In the meantime, I went thru radiation. I had 22 sessions in all. I always tried to be cheerful but one day I was waiting for my turn to get zapped and that same song, "That's Alright", was running thru my head. There I was, just a humming away and getting happy. It didn't matter to me that I was getting zapped with radiation because everything was gonna be alright. In the Bible it says, "This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it". It said to be glad in it. It didn't say I had to be glad about it but to be glad in it. So even though I wasn't happy about going thru radiation I was happy in it.
Also, during that time I had a revelation. I woke up from a nap and the first thing that ran thru my mind was what Jesus said about taking up your cross and following Him. I just said,"Yes, Lord, I'll do that". But I couldn't help but to see my cross looking like a big letter "C". For cancer. But that is the cross I got to carry and that is the cross I got to bear.
I ended up having to quit my job because of my back and my recurrence. I had to swallow my pride and depend on the government for help. Cancer striped about everything from me-my pride, my dignity, my job and my health. But there is a Scripture that says," Humble Thyself in the sight of the Lord and He will lift you up". I have never been more humble in my life than I am right now. One day God's gonna lift me up. It may not be right now while I am on this Earth but one day He's gonna lift me up. I just have to be patient. God can deliver us in any circumstance we have, even while our body is failing us. I am a witness to that.
For several years, I strayed from the Lord and said and done somethings that I should not have and since repented. I just was wondering around lost all the time. There was a reason for me having cancer I don't regret having it because it got me back to God. God loved me enough that He didn't want me to miss out on my eternal rewards. I do remember a time when I was too afraid to go to sleep at night because I didn't think I would wake up the next morning. When you are given a life sentence it is hard not feeling that way. But now when I do wake up, I just figured He woke me up for a reason and it's not my time to go home yet. My reason is to do His will in my life for however long I've got. Sometimes in life you have to realize that all you have left is faith in God. Because cancer shows no mercy but God does. That is why I can smile and that is what keeps me going.
posted by karen @ 2:41 PM
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